Stranger in the mind

Sometimes i just like to lie down and think about random stuff. Wander around in my own mind and explore the possibilities and different outcomes. I know it might sound a little crazy when i read this out loud but i mean, i believe in so many things, and i feel so different to ppl that surround me, that sometimes i dont know if its safe to trust other ppl. In life, i have tried many times to have that soulmate if u may, not as a lover but as a friend. Someone i can confide in and look for and just have fun with, but i have been let down many times and i dont know if im the one with the problem or if its just not meant to be but the point is that i know its a little late to come to this conclusion but i really dont need anybody. Humans can convince themselves into anything, and u can fall into and out of love, cuz love IS a state of mind. And i might write this today and take it back tomorrow but im sure of one thing, i cant keep trying to go back and make up everything i have done or feel regret for it cuz its useless. I hate useless things in my life, and when i find something useless i throw it out, but sometimes we cant throw out things that may seem useless cause maybe JUST MAYBE when we least expect it, we may find a use for it.

Pensamientos lucidos

Desde hace un par de dias he comenzado a desarrollar aquel sentimiento nuevamente. Aquel cual me hizo cometer tantas locuras y atrosidades no solamente en mi contra pero contra quienes me rodean. Por culpa de ese maldito, me heri grandemente pq mientras mas trataba de arreglar las situaciones, las empeoraba mas aun y me ahogaba en un vaso de agua; daba vueltas en el laberinto del raton. El resentimiento abunda en mi inconsciencia tratando de sobordinar los mas leves recuerdos de ti. No es que me arrepiento de mi vida y lo q he hecho, eso seria insolito. Estoy conforme con mi vida pq la persona q soy hoy es gracias a todas esas situaciones tristes o amenas por las cuales he pasado. Pero, no es que me arrepiento sino q me siento resentida pq no estoy contenta con qn soy. Por un aspecto soy fuerte, de corazon duro y fria sentimentalmente pero a veces soy como una tortuga: todo caparazon. Trato de cargar un antifaz q ayuda a desarrollar un misterio y en estos momentos es cuando mas me agobia mi pasado y me acuerdo lo q quisiera cambiar. Pierdo mi tiempo pues no puedo regresar. Solo escribo esto y como he escrito anteriormente, dejo estos pensamientos al aire, al vacio del caos interno del mundo donde nada se escucha con la vaga esperanza de que algun dia todas mis preguntas, ilusiones y expectativas tendran su merecido respuesta. Mientras tanto yo me quedo aki sola, esperando a yo no se quien, no se cuando, pacientemente, la realidad se apoderara de mi y podre entonces lograr el cambio que necesito.

My weekend...

Normally i dont like writting about my feelings ever since i did that on a blog and later realized that the one person my blogs consisted of, had been reading them all along. Not that embarassing just a little ironic and given my life long search for irony i was ecstatic! lol just being sarcastic. Anyways i think from April 15 to April 17th was the craziest weekend ever! Since i got to college i had planned with a bunch of ppl to going to Justas to later find out that i couldnt go so based on this, my decisions and actions all went along with what happened to me earlier in the year. On friday i chilled at home with my bro, i love spending time with him so much, we rented movies and had a blast. On Saturday i was supposed to stay here but got invited 2 Las Justas and went. I had an amazing time. Nobody knows it but the reason why i didnt wanna go in the first place was cuz i didnt like the gigantic crowd that piles up in that place and well i seriously dont dig "social events" that well. Could be my anti-social half acting up. I had been feeling a litte resentful lately, even ended up txt msging a person that well, rest assure i wasnt suppose to contact but did anyways. God i miss him, on friendly notes of course. Anyways saturday=CRAZINESS and i didnt sleep AT ALL, was awake all day until 130pm the next day. Sunday=tired, new stuff. I met this guy Jose from San Juan and well i stayed at the beach with some peeps and was hella tired. A couple of day before i had been with SDD++ at RUM, protesting and had gotten here at 6am but this weekend i broke the record. i left my house Saturday at 11:30am and arrived Sunday 1:30pm, CRAZY~~ but still fun! Words cant describe it. I wanted to meet up with the guys but couldnt cuz of a major messed that ocurred. I havent seen Brink in the longest and i do wanna be with him. And based on what Girasol said "I cant believe i am single and smoochless" it's so NOT ME! lol, not trying to say im a whore or whatnot but i usually get my equal share of... stuff... And well this weekend i was calm as a turtle! And im enjoying my single life so much i might as well take it as a career! LOL no ok but seriously i had so much fun but now its back to my school-n-boredom non-life. That is all for my sharing sessions. i have a couple of thoughts in mind but as one friend once said "Some things are just better left unsaid" in this case... unwritten. I seriously am getting quite used to this undisputable freedom of mine... =)

There Are Worse Things I Could Do

There are worse things i could do
Than go with a boy or two
Even though the neighborhood thinks i'm trashy
And no good
I suppose it could be true but
There are worse things i could do

I could flirt with all the guys
Smile at them and back my eyes
Press against them when we dance
Make them think they stand a chance
Then refuse to see it through
That's the thing i never do

I could stay home every night
Wait around for mr. right
Take cold showers everyday
And throw my life away
On a dream that won't come true

I could hurt someone like me,
Out of spite or jealousy
I don't steal and i don't lie
But i can feel and i can cry
A fact i'll bet you never knew
But to cry in front of you...
That's the worst thing i could do