Sunday, February 27, 2005

... sadness ensues

Lejos de pensar que me estoy haciendo mal tengo que reconocer que todo esto me ha salido mal, por eso voy a aprender, voy a vivir y no quiero y no debo y no puedo dejar de verte, por que vives en mi, junto a mi, en el interior de este corazon confundido. No me refiero a otra persona, sino a mis metas que con tanto esfuerzo sue~o en alcanzarlas. Mediante el sendero de mi vida he cometido unos errores irremediables en los cuales no se como actuar y aunque las acciones y respuestas las pienso, se quedan en mi mente. He perdido a tantas personas importantes que a veces tengo que mirarme un largo rato en el espejo para recordar y reconocer a la persona que tengo al frente. Debo de pensar las cosas dos veces antes de hacerlas ya que la ultima vez que actue sin pensar, me equivoque tanto, que termine perdiendo la certidumbre, confianza y la seguridad en mi misma. No hay marcha atras y como dice Girasol, no debo echar para atras ni para coger impulso... Eso hare, pero esta muy dificil, muchas veces intento regir mi vida por unos caminos y reglas y ahora me doy cuenta que no eran los correctos y que solo eran un DEAD END. Por mas injusta que vea la vida, la unica que hace las cosas de esa forma soy yo, en fin, soy la culpable de mis propias acciones y lo unico que puedo hacer a estas alturas es no volverlos a cometer. Que por lo visto de los hechos y del terrible evento de ayer, estoy completamente segura de que ahora comenzare de nuevo en todo e intentare dar lo mejor. Solo necesito poner las cosas en orden y estare bn... eso creo y espero.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Memorias de una pasajera

En estos momentos de mi vida, me encuentro a la merced de lo que ocurra a mi alrededor y me rindo ya que no pienso irme en contra la corriente de los hechos. Mi ser se levanta y anhela un mejor destino sin embargo recibe el mismo que tenia planteado y que le llegara al fin y al cabo. Estos dias, han sido buenos, pero me he dado cuenta, que necesito un cambio, encuentro q algunos aspectos de mi persona necesitan moderacion y reestructuracion. Damn is that even a word? um, en verdd que tantas cosas que cambian y tengo tantas respuestas a todas estas preguntas.. pero ps, mejor dejo las cosas asi. Estoy cansada de demostrarle a la gente qn y como soy, si piensas algo de mi, alla ellos, yo estoy conforme con saber que ellos creen las mentiras y la certidumbre de saber como en realidad soy

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Dejame vivir a mi manera, tu puedes so~ar en la ba~era
dejame vivir tus fantasis, so~emos el resto de esta vida!!
Y hazme pecar por ti, pecar por ti, pecar por ti!!!
Yo no se, por que, esto tiene que ser asi
...
Damn i love that song. Anyways today has been an okay day, i was a lil
bummed out bcuz a couple of friends had planned to go out Valentine's Day, you know to celebrate our freedom, and well some couples got invited along, and the condition was that you HAVE TO BE SINGLE, but anyways no prob, we quickly fixed it. Anyways i talked to my fraternal twin for a while, everything is good, i just hope it stays like this, and that when i get another surprise pop quiz on pre-cal, i will actually be able to answer them answers!!

Dejame vivir a mi manera, tu puedes so~ar en la ba~era
dejame vivir tus fantasis, so~emos el resto de esta vida!!
Y hazme pecar por ti, pecar por ti, pecar por ti!!!
Yo no se, por que, esto tiene que ser asi
...
Damn i love that song. Anyways today has been an okay day, i was a lil
bummed out bcuz a couple of friends had planned to go out Valentine's Day, you know to celebrate our freedom, and well some couples got invited along, and the condition was that you HAVE TO BE SINGLE, but anyways no prob, we quickly fixed it. Anyways i talked to my fraternal twin for a while, everything is good, i just hope it stays like this, and that when i get another surprise pop quiz on pre-cal, i will actually be able to answer them answers!!

Monday, February 07, 2005

{Speechless}

I feel really bad about my current attitude toward the guys. I talked to Bunny today and she told me the flat out harsh truth. I've been really stupid, and with a unexplainable attitude. I don't know what i was looking for acting like this, but i did wrong and im willing to accept the consecuences of my actions. I guess i was just too busy feeling like the victim to think about how they felt too. Anyways, im gonna stop this shit, cuz it ain't getting me anywhere. In a year i will hopefully be where God and destiny puts me; where i want to be. If this stupid msn ever signs in, i might be able to get online and add them again, if not them it's a sign that i'm being dumb and my frustration is a way of relieving stress.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

My big bro's b-day

Today is my big brother's birthday!! I baked him a delicious chocolate cake and tonight my mother is making him dinner. He's already 28!! i can't believe how time flies by on me. It's like only yesterday he was studying in El Conservatorio de Musica. It's crazy! I love him so much, i bought him a gift on Friday while i was in Mayaguez visiting some "Friends". That happened right around the time where i told Bryant i erased him and he got pissed at me and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Anyways, tomorrow i gotta get up-to-date, cuz i cut Pre-Cal and Italian on Friday and i cannot do that anymore. I did it once for an "important reason" just to find out i wasted my time, hey at least i got a backpack out of it!! Yay!! Anyways im off to celebrate my brother's birthday!

Yesterday

Last night i went to the movies and saw "Boogeyman", it was a very good movie. LOL, in one part my friend Carlos got scared and jumped up, it was hilarious! Anyways i got here and got a lil bothered cuz i started talking to some ppl and they were taking advantage of my vulnerability and well started mentioning the Evil and Inferior emlyn. OMG, Bryan said "Emlyn is ham's replacement in RUM" NO WAY!! HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!! I AM SOO GONNA KICK HIS LITTLE PUNNY NINJA ASS WHEN I SEE HIM. THANK GOD I ERASED THE WHOLE MP CREW FROM MY MSN LIST! Anyways I went to sleep while reading "Memorias de mis putas tristes". Yeah im almost finishing yet i must find a new book to read. Darn it! Bryant is still pissed at me for erasing him, oh well...

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Te voy a olvidar

Sentada ultima cena y tu mirandome sangrando, los a~os por docenas y yo mirandolos pasar. Es por siempre o nada mas? Solo por siempre, sino no hay nada. Redada en un dilema y perdida en la ciudad. Mi cabeza en la bandeja como le hicieron a Juana. No es por siempre, nada mas. Solo por siempre, sino no hay mas! Vivir con mi condena, nunca jamas...Te voy a olvidar!! Arrastrando mis cadenas, nunca jamas... Te voy a olvidar!!! Aunque me duela, te arrancare de mi corazon sin piedad

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Im tired & my back hurts and tomorrow i gotta wake up at 6am for class at 730am, and it sucks cuz them im like a walking zombie, not paying attention in class, and getting yelled at for sleeping through em! I have grown careless about certain aspects in my life and that bothers me, i know i should care but i still don't; it's pretty confusing and contradicting. God im so confused!! The only sure thing i have present in my life is that im focused on my studies only. I know i gotta get good grades and i know i can, im even enjoying precal! anyways i gtg. Love bites doesnt it!? no special reason, it just does. Everybody i know is having problems with it so i will be direct... Love, what is wrong with you!!?? if your so wonderful, why do so many ppl hurt to get to you!? Good night void